Interpol helps again.

How could anyone love me, with them in my lives?  I am truly embarrassed, horrified and hate everything about the situation I am in.  Get me out.

I can't pretend I don't need to defend a part of me from you.

+

I'm trying to stay positive.  I am sure there are many fantastic things happening to me right now, I'm sorry, I just don't see them myself.

Please stay.  I am hoping that we both don't know the potential of us.

I will not be here for you if the only time you come to me is if you want something.

Doesn't understand.

I don't understand what suddenly happened on Tuesday. And since then, I haven't been able to get myself out of this rabbit hole that is my current state-of-mind. Thank god for noise cancelling earphones and Empire of the Sun. I couldn't bear to deal with WWII recounts on SBS in the background right now. 


I have found myself to question everything that I know. Everything that I thought was solid and true until the end of time, is no longer the case. Is this still reverse culture shock? Or am I overreacting? One day, she will tire of hearing my stories and my complaints. One day. And I refuse to test this theory soon. So, world wide web, you are now my soundboard. 


The only thing that makes me happy now is being away. Away from home. Away from uni work. Away from work. Away from parents. Away from life. Away from phone bills, credit card bills, superannuation payments, running clothes that judge you every day you don't wear them. And I wonder if I am turning into one of those who almost lives a double life. One who craves human contact so much that without it, suffers greatly and self destructs.


I'm almost excited for my exam tomorrow, so at least I can sit with my friends.
X

Home-sick: ie. sick of home

It's a nightmare. It's back to uni, work, life, parents, bitching, drama and I am wishing like William and his wish wellingtons that I am able to magically disappear back to Europe but unfortunately the show is not called Candice's wish wellingtons for nothing. 


Seeing The Last Dinosaurs tonight for their EP launch. They're really grown since I first knew them and it is so exciting to see them making it! They've graced the front of Brisbane's RAVE magazine, a very big feat for 4 19-year-olds. And I am assured of an amazing little restaurant on Albert St. where they have $75 bar tabs during happy hour(s), 5pm - 7pm. So I will have a squiz and see whether it is as good as people say.


My birthday in three weeks - what to do, what to do?
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Finally.

This is go time. Months and months have come down to this and please, let's not screw it up. After yesterday, I have complete faith that it will work and even my overwhelming fear of breaking up and losing you is gone...for now.

With no time bomb on this bad boy, there are endless possibilities, and to be honest, I am scared shitless. Who knows what the future will bring. I'm curious.

X

Travel woes

I tend to get travel woes easily. It's not really homesickness, but just a general uncomfortableness of living out of a suitcase, drying your towel on your bunk bed rack/radiator, having a personal space of your bed by 1m height (and if you're lucky, a place to open your suitcase) and the whole constantly moving thing. It makes me wonder about how gypsies do this permanently...they have no real 'home', just places they reside in and are relatively fond of. I get horribly irritated in such a situation and turn into this all knowing, selfish, stubborn bitch who recluses more and more. And in saying that, I apologise to everyone I have travelled with and reached this stage with...it's not fun as I am sure you have found out. X

I miss Nottingham.

+ Cocotang

+ Architecture crew

+ Florence Boot...top floor girls

+ £1 jager's at Gatecrasher on Fridays

+ Gatecrasher

+ Finding £90 in McDonalds

+ Topshop, topshop, topshop

+ Saturday and Sunday brunches (minus fried toast, please)

+ Hallward library

+ Willoughby mix bar: chocolate cookie + chicken caesar salad + half pint of lemonade

X

Hello darkness, my old friend.

Hello friend,
I want to write to you but I have no idea what to say.  How are you?  Tell me about your life and what is going on.  I might be in a different time zone, we might have left things a little strange, but that doesn't mean we're not friends...right?


Love,
Candice

Circular.

So I love you.  And you love her.  She doesn´t love you.  But I do.  But you don´t love me.  He does.  But I don´t love him. 

It´s never fair.
X

i always seem to be on the wrong side of the world

i am not sure whether this is case of the grass being greener on the other side, but i always seem to pick the wrong places at the wrong time.  i'm the oldest 18 year old i know, and i all i want to do is lay in his arms, watching tv and eating ben and jerry's.  i'm sick of these relationships which end nowhere, based on problems with physical proximity, those with a clear time bomb.  and i would love to pack everyone i have met in the last five months in a little suitcase and take you all back with me. 
X

fustercluck

it's a fustercluck!  
the question of are you/are you not still exists.  
and i've never had such an awkward afternoon in my life.
thankyou for being such a LAD. 
get some australian in ya?


i'm glad to be in london.  it should be a good week - i've already watched two episodes of america's next top model, one ep of family feud (80's edition) and fallen asleep on a couch more comfortable than my florence boot bed of six months. 


this is the final stretch!
I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT.
X

my new baby, on order

just ordered this little beauty, nikon d3000:

so very excited.  it arrives next week...i don't think i can sleep until then!

dear bank account, i apologise.

X

holiday

things are finally coming together.  and i'm starting this new phase of organisation with a new blog, as i haven't blogged properly in a ridiculously long time.

the winter break was amazing. i've seen some beautiful places, places which i will probably not visit for a very long time again, if ever. in love with berlin...the architecture, the culture, the prominence of world war two ever so present but remembered so beautifully. love the holocaust memorial. hauntingly beautiful.

and barcelona - truly amazing.  like a little beacon of beach, sunshine, heat, culture and fantastic food. had an amazing night out with the hostel to some amazing club on the beach beginning at 1.45am.  good times. 

for now, i am back in rainy, depressing nottingham.  one 100% exam, one 50% assignment down...one more 50% assignment to go.  they have truly left the worst 'til last. the only thing keeping me going is the chance of snow, the possibility of a new camera (nikon d3000 slr!) and perhaps a delicious ted baker bag.  all on the credit card which arrived in my hot little hands today.

slowly, but surely i will get back into this blogging thing.

baby steps!

X

how fast time flies

how fast time flies!  it is horrifying to think that i am only away from home for a mere five more weeks.  if it only wasn't for these horrible assignments.  bullshat my way through urban design theory today and hopefully passed.  date number three with hallward library tomorrow - all day - which will be fun and with luck, productive, unlike tonight.

X

ventilation

i find it hard to analyse ventilation when i didn't design any windows in my building.
whoops.
X